Life is funny sometimes. There are periods of highs and lows that can be drastically different – and they can get better or worse quickly. It is a tricky lesson to learn to be patient during the swings. I think it is an even harder lesson to learn to remain upbeat if life is going badly. It is nearly impossible really. Being in a negative place blocks the ability to see the good in life and the ability to be grateful. It is hard to be grateful if you are sick or your heart is broken or you are in a bad situation. I think it is the most difficult thing in the world, that is why I’m not there yet.
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I’m writing this blog today because after being stuck in a rut for a number of weeks, I have been suddenly humbled by the blessings and kindness of several people. I’m a horribly impatient person by nature. I probably have some form of ADD and not having instant results is not my favorite thing. I’m working on it. I wanted to be well and not sick much faster than it is happening. I wanted to have a partner and was really lonely for years (I’m engaged at 36). So you get the idea.
I’m slowly realizing that life has a path for me and it isn’t always fair. I do believe that God has a plan for everyone, but I don’t believe that he plans for people to get sick or sad or hurt. It is a fallen world we live in and I’m not certain that blaming certain things on God is the answer. But just when the bough is about to break, there comes a tremendous ray of sunshine by way of grace and really special people. I think being grateful is having the ability to look around you and choose to be thankful for what you have and where you are. I believe that being grateful is a choice (albeit very difficult at times) that makes life happier.
This week I have been blessed definitely beyond what I deserve. For this reason I am almost speechless with gratitude. Exciting things are happening. Today I am especially grateful for my family and for the Bethenny Show (Bethenny Frankel, Jessica Yankelunas, and Allie Edwards). Getting engaged on the show was amazing and fun and a real thrill. It was a clever surprise on Tripp’s part to do that. What the experience did for me was give me a piece of my old life back. For so long my life was a depressing fog that has been a struggle to get back to normal – I was not able to be grateful. The experience the show provided for Tripp and I showed me there is much to look forward to in the future. Experiencing that level of surprise and excitement gave me permission in a sense that it is okay to feel happy about the future – I don’t need to stress every day about my health anymore. Good things can and will happen if I disallow myself to expect the worst and only allow myself to be grateful in the here and now.
So today I am overwhelmed with gratitude. There are precious people that I can never say enough thank yous for their hard work and their kindness. I have been blessed with far more than enough and looking forward to the future.